One day we all took a vacation to Puerto Rico. We spent time with all of our family while we had the time. Because of this, my brother and my sister got very very attached to their grandparents. My brother and I have the same father, my sister had another. So my mother gave my brother and sister a choice. The choice was to choose who they wanted to stay with, her or their grandparents. My sister chose her grandmother, and my brother chose our grandmother. The last to chose was me and i chose to stay with my mother. I don’t know why she had us choose. Maybe it was the fact that she was only about 20 or 21 years of age and thought that she couldn’t provide for all three of us. I was about 5 or 6, so if you did the math, my mother had me when she was 15.

I remember after that my mother and I was alone in the apartment. In the morning I would wake up, she get my clothes for me, I would get dresses and leave to school alone. The school was only across the street from my apartment building, so I guess my mom was confident enough to let me go alone. Nothing ever happend, I was a pretty smart boy. So my life continued on like this for a while. Every weekened i would leave to my grandmothers house, my fathers mother. Regardless of the relationship my mom and dad had, my grandmother always loved my mom. My grandmother was the one that showed me the basics of the faith. So every Sunday I would be in church, while for the whole weekend my mother was in clubs. When I got home, I found my mother exhausted from all the drinking and dancing. During the week we never spent time together. All morning my mother was sleeping and in the afternoon we did so many chores that we never sat and spoke about anything. I was mostly alone, and because the apartment was empty due to my mom not having a job, I spent alot of my afternoon looking out the window with a radio listening to music, playing the same Celine Dion tape over and over again. We only had one TV in the house, and it was in my mothers room. I ever got to watch anything on it cause while she slept her room was locked, and at night when she cooked dinner she was watching her soul poppers. The fact that I didn’t even have a crayon to color with and extremely bored led me to spend alot of time at home eating. By this time, my mother had a really bad temper. I think it was cause of her drinking and partying, she never really seemed to be in peace.

Friends? At that age, what were those? The only time I spent with other kids my age was at school. And for what? I got teased for no reason. Perhaps cause I was a lil overweight. But I seemed to be the easy target amongst all the other kids. Next door neighbors? HA! I only had one neighbor on the floor we lived on. Everytime I asked to go to their house I would get denied. So I just stopped asking cause mom was capable of beating me just because of getting annoyed.

It wasn’t untill the 8th grade that I started to stop being a “wimp”. We had moved from our old apartment cause my mother got bored of the first place we had, and the school I went to was close to the apartment as well. The first day of school for me was pretty good that year. I quickly saw and recognized the “rejects” of the class. Their were two main ones. Regginald, also known as Reggie, and Ramell. The thing that I liked alot was this, even though they were the rejects of the classroom, they fought back. They teased back. They joked and laughed at the “popular” kids. Then I realized that theirs two types of “rejects” when your in school. The ones that don’t act, and the ones that fight back. Of course, I was already tired of feeling powerless. Not only did I like the fact that they fought back, they had the same type of mind I did. We all liked video games. We all liked comics and super heros. It was like they were the brothers I never had. So the three of us were a family. During the year we would pull pranks, draw mean drawings of people. Make funny comics about people and all the things we thought we would have a laugh with. At the end of the day we would part our ways, but I also had another group of friends that I hanged out with also. These guys I also spent time with in lunch time. Four guys that got together with cause of their unique jokes. It was Jessie, we called him the Jew. He wasn’t Jewish but he looked Jewish with his light complextion and facial features. Then their was Ruben, we called him Bean head because his head was shaped like a bean. We had Omar, he was called butt face. Not sure why, but he was another chunky kid too. Lastly, their was Angel. His name is a little bit vulgar so I woun’t say. With these guys, I was called Taz. Why? They said I looked like a wrestler named Taz at the time. We all joked on each other amogst ourselves. Occasionally on other people. With these guys, after school we would even pull pranks on the people that took the public bus’s. I remember we all took some cinder blocks and waited for the bus to pull over to pick the people up. While they loaded, we put the blocks infront of the rear wheels, and ran to get into the bus as well. The thing also is that we went in with out paying and ran to the back of the bus. When the bus accelerated, it couldn’t go anywere cause the acceleration on a bus that big was very slow. Lets just say alot of people got to work and home late because of our pranks. We thought it was so funny we did it a couple of times. The last time was when the bus driver actually locked us in the bus and got off his seat. We got so scared we pulled the emergency window open and jumped out of the bus. It was still an adrenaline rush, and we laughed about it when we got out.

So then, this was the time I started to get rebellious. I never had a real connection with the Lord. I had it as routine already. Weekdays with my mom and school and the weekends with my grandmother in church.

In 8th grade was when I had my 1st girlfriend. I was still a chunky guy, but next to Reggie, I was as thin as wheat. We didn’t last not even a month. She broke up with me in a nice way, she had a good heart. But I took it very hard. I didn’t know why she broke up with me. The next day of school I caught her hugging up with her ex-boyfriend. That day, I had vowed to myself to never let another girl hurt me.

So the end of the year had arrived. We had to all pick our high schools. Reggie was the brain, so he picked schools that were too far for me to go to. Ramell was also very intelligent, and he picked his own. I was not a poor student, and I wasn’t as smart as they were, but I still picked some of their high schools they picked. Come to see, I got rejected from all the ones I picked. So the family was broken. I ended up going to the high school that was in the zone I lived. This high school was very bad. Gunshots had been fired in their. Kids have bee sent to hospitals with cut wounds. Fights all the time occured, and I was affraid. My family wasn’t with me anymore, and entering as a freshman was my biggest worry. Reggie started to pull away from us cause he had other things in his life. Me and Ramell stuck together for a while. Ramell was my best friend. But still we didn’t go to the same school.

In my new high school I didn’t get bullied so much. I was quiet and seeing how the school was so big. I guess their were alot more other freshmans they could pick on. By this time I decided to do something about my weight. I enrolled in a program called J.R.O.T.C. It was a military program that the school had. With the few other friends I had, we all enrolled together. From here, my passion for the military grew. I loved my Sergents and my Colonel. The physical training was very goood and the fact that I had swimming class after the Program was even better. So as I got thinner, I started to get new friends. With every pound I lost, I started to feel more accepted. I never seen myself as an attractive guy, but the girls thought different (I found this out later in life, LOL). The weight loss was a complete turn around in my life. After school I hung out with some friends that would meet up with some girls from another high school. Michelle and Heidi were their names. Both good looking girls, but I started to have a crush on Michelle. Even with my weight loss, I felt she was still out of my reach. Until one day my friend tells me that Michelle also had a crush on me, which completely blew my mind away. Since I started to have a crush on Michelle, I had forgotten about the vow I made to myself. But I didn’t hurt Michelle, nor did Michelle hurt me. It was her parents that broke us apart. They were too harsh on her. She couldn’t stay outside too long. She had to keep her grades up past the normal standards. Me and Michelle had loved each other. We were younge, yes, but what we felt for each other I knew it was real. Well her parents didn’t even want her to have a boyfriend because they said that she would not be focused on her schooling. One day Michelle’s mom found out, and told her that she needed to go directly from home to school, and from school directly home. Bad move on their part cause all that provoked was that Michelle and I played hookie to meet in Heidi’s house to spend time together. We never had sex, but really near to it. Besides I was still a virgen and respected Michelle that much even though she gave me all the liberty to help myself. Well it all came down to her mom separating us. The less we saw each other, the fire died down. We spoke on the phone, but it wasn’t the same. I had her so close, but she still was so far from my reach. Another very big disappointment in my life.

That sadness provoked these events in my life. Me and Ramell hung out occasionaly, and when we did we would talk about alot of things. Slowly me and Ramell started to read about Satanism, Witchcraft, Voodoo and I started to get into Vampirism on my own. My music went from Celine Dion to Korn, Slipknot, Metalllica and alot more other Rock and Heavy Metal bands. I learned alot of satanic symbols, drank blood, painted my nails black, put on eye liner and wore black from head to toe. Sometimes my head was Blue or Red. Once I even bleached it blond. I ended up getting kicked out of that very bad hgh school. I forgot what the reason was for, but it had nothing to do with my appearance. I actually lied so many times about the reason that I forgot the real one. By this time I had a very special gift with lieing. I lied like it happend and stole like a ghost. I stole ciggaretts from my mother since I was in 5th grade, but now I knew the real way to smoke and knew what it was to inhale and really smoke the ciggarrette. The next school I went to was a small one. So with my new confidence and with all the things I’ve been learning, plus my appearance, this was a very crazy time for me.

95% of the school was female and 80% of the school was spanish. It was in the middle of the 10th grade year for me when I got transfered. For a time I wasn’t spoken to because I looked pretty scary. Soon after I tuned it down a bit with the black, but everyody knew who I was and what I was into. I then met this other girl named Ana. What impressed me about this girl was that she was CHRISTIAN! But she spoke to me normaly. Not affraid. She told me once that when she looked at me she saw a light in me. Confirming the word that says, when you come to the Lord your generations, up to the third and fourth will be blessed. No matter what I did or how I looked, I was destined to live with the Lord, because my grandmother was serving a Living God. Impressing enough, Ana and I started to date (Ana and Michelle, VERY GOOD LOOKING GIRLS. Alot of guys wanted to be with them, but I got ahed of them. This fed my ego alot more). She invited me to church, and I agreed to go. I went with my friend Ramell, and all we did in there was look around joking on people. Everytime Ana looked back to me, I would look at her and blow her kisses to just mess with her. She wasn’t sitting next to me, she had to sit with her parens. Ana’s parents were like Michelle’s as well, but they never found out about us. Soon Ana broke up with me. I don’t know why, she never told me. To this day I still don’t why. It didn’t hurt me too much because I never got close to her like I did with Michelle, still I was confused.

By this time, things at home got crazy. All those years passing, I saw as my mom had guys walking in and out the house, leaving her with more kids. By now I had 3 more new siblings. Audi, my sister. Felix and lastly Nelson Jr. Audi and Felix have the same dad. Nelson Jr had another dad. My mom was still with Nelson Sr at this point. Juan and Leilany was living with us also. So our house was pretty crazy. I was the oldest so I stopped getting attention a long time ago. All was for Nelson at the time. Nelson Sr’s family lives across the street from me, and I met his nephew Jose. He was a confident person. Tall, muscular, attractive according to the ladies. After school I would hang with him. Once I left with him and two of his friends. Thats the day I tried weed for the 1st time. I was already smoking, and I liked the light headed feeling I got when I smoked. But I didn’t get that anymore, so I tried it. From that time on I started to hang more with him and smoke when I could. This was at the age of 14. Even at church, the Pastors son was one of the people I used to smoke with. I remember one day me and him went to one of his friends house. That day, in between 4 people, we smoked 30 blunts of various types of marojuana. We all had one blunt each and when one passed, we all switched in a rotation.That day I felt energy, like vibrations comming out of my body. I was in a trance, I felt. I threw up on the floor, and when I threw up, the bracelet of beads that I had popped. All the beads fell and I cleaned everything up.When we left that house, I dont’t remember anything. I woke up in my grandmothers house. I was 16 at that time. Another thing is that we had internet in my house for the first time. I quickly learned how to type and how to go into chat rooms.

My vision of life was getting wider every year. I just got deeper in the occult and drugs. I was still a virgen but that all soon changed when I met another girl from the same school. Her name was LeeAnn. LeeAnn grabbed my eye’s because she was everything I wasn’t. I was social to the point that I knew everyone in the school. She spoke to 3 people. I was very open, she was hidden in her shell. What we did have in common was that we both were sad in the inside. I started to charm her with sweet words. Had her open up to me everyday. Till one day she told me she was torn between two guys she liked. One of them was a friend of mine, the other was me. But I didn’t know it was me untill one day we was talking and I got it out of her.

Soon enough we got together, and again I forgot about the vow to myself. LeeAnn opened up about her personal life to me and I quickly understood why she was like that when I met her. I don’t blame her at all. We was together for 3 years totat. I told her that I loved her and she loved me as well. I didn’t love her the same way I did Michelle, but it came very close. The first year and a half was very good. During that time is when we gave our innocence to each other. After that time, I started to get bored of her. Everytime I was on the internet I got deeper and deeper into lust. Cyber sex was a part of my life. Pornography was another thing I got deeper in. LeeAnn was beautiful, but my mind was getting deeper into the social way of thinking about attractiveness. In bed, she wasn’t the same as the wemen in the pornography, and thats what I wanted. LeeAnn was the first girl I cheated on. While I went out with LeeAnn, I had like 4 different relationships long distance with other girls. I also went out with a girl from my grandmothers church all at the same time. With my gift of lies, I maintained all relationships one way or another.

My mother saw the road I was walking in and she decided to move out of New York. And we did. Me and LeeAnn decided not to break up. The relationship with the girl from church was over before we even moved. Her parents were also a problem, but I didn’t care at this point. With my rebellion and all the things i lived in New York, I went to Harrisburg Pennsylvania.

Im 17 years old, new place, new environment and same me. The change was very big. City pace is so much faster than out in the suburbs. Juan, my blood brother, now was taking after me as well. I don’t know much about what happend in his life in Puerto Rico, but it had to be something that hurt him because he was moving down the same path. I was into vampires and he loved werewolves. But gothic to the fullest in appearance and attitude. The first two weeks of school we made no friends because of our appearance. We liked the reaction of these kids because they acted like they never saw people like us ever. It was a plus that we were the new freaky kids in the school also. It was a feeling of power through fear. We gained our respect like that.

Nothing changed except my appearance. I tuned it down again with my black and overly freakish look. I started to get more friends. These guys weren’t any different that the ones back in New York. We all smoked marijuana, drank liquor and partied till late hours. I did well in my grades but my conduct was very bad. I decided to drop out and get my GED. I did and passed all the tests. I ended up going back to New York to live with my aunt. I still was cheating on LeeAnn. I even got together with my ex girlfriend from 8th grade again. With the computer in my aints house it was even worse. This time I had a camera to my advantage and this was even worse for me. My mind was very perverted. During this time I was even traveling to places for free. One of the girls I cheated through the internet with was named Ashley. I knew her since I was 13 when I had the internet for the first time. Ashley’s mom payed my way to West Virginia round trip. I stood for a week. During this time my words was like a sword. I’ve perfected my art of lieing to the point that no matter what happened all the blame would not ever come on me. This was proved the second time I went to West Virginia. I had met Ashley’s friend Abigail (Abbi). I actualy told Ashley that I wanted to sleep with her friend. You might think I was crazy for even saying that to my girlfriend, but Ashley was even crazier when she gave me green light. I got to West V and spent time with all of them for a while. Abbi ended up staying the night, and that night was all planned from the beggining by all of us. My friend Kris went with me as well, Ashley’s mom payed for him too. Well to make this one short, Abbi was cought on top of me in a bed they had in the basement. But Abbi ended up being the whore, she was the one that seduced me, and poor ol me was the victem. When I left West Virginia me and Ashley broke up and me and Abbi got together. I went to New York, but this time i went to live with LeeAnn.

Her mother was nice and opened her home to me. I slept in LeeAnn’s room and had a computer in the room. During this time, I introduced smoking to LeeAnn. I still was cheating on her with other girls from the internet. I actually cheated on her to her face one night. I was on the computer talking to a girl while LeeAnn watched from a distance behind me. I knew but I didn’t care. My heart was cold and of rock by this time. When I was done on the computer I took LeeAnn’s cell phone and called the same girl I was talking to and took the call in the living room. I was on the phone with the girl and her friend in a three way call. I confessed that I had a girlfriend to her and that I was on her phone and everything, but they just saw me as a bold person. Laughed with me too. Another thing was that one day I was speaking to a girl from Europe. She smoked weed and I was talking to her about me being able to buy large ammounts for little price. This girl was very attractive as well. Not only her but her friends too. She sent me photos via e-mail. But the same day I was talking to her, I got her to send me money through Western Union. After that I never talked to her again. Girls was a nessesary thing in my life at that time. With all the trash I filled my heart with, one girl wasn’t enough. Have I gotten cought? Not untill I made a Myspace account!!! LOL!

I’m 18 and I had several trips to Harrisburg on special days like Christmas and Thanksgiving. My mother had a new man in her life and had another girl. My youngest sister Mariely (Chula). This guy was a tattoo artist. So everytime I got to that house, he would give me a new tattoo. In two years I had gotten 8 tattoos all for free.

Im 20, and I got LeeAnn pregnant. I wasn’t ready for it, and LeeAnn was talking about marriage. Of course I didn’t want to marry her, who would want to be married after living as you pleased? Besides, my love for her was completely gone. I loved other wemen more than her. Weed wasn’t an issue with me and her because I introduced her to that too. So what did I do? I left her alone in her pregnancy. After all of the things I’ve done to her, after that girl gave me so many chances to get my act together, I abandoned her when she needed me the most. I came back to my mothers house in Harrisburg.

My brother left to a Job Corps while he was with my mom in Harrisburg, and I decided to go as well. I took a friend with me as well. His name was David (LOL!!! I just notice I took a friend with me where ever I went). David and I vowed that when we left Job Corps, that it would never be the same. So as soon as we got their we started to make an impression. To teachers cause we were smart individuals and to the students because of our street minds. Job Corps only lasted 3-4 months for me because I tried to sneak in some marijuana on campus. So I got kicked out. And when I left, my vow was complete. Via e-mail and myspace, my buddies cried when I got kicked out and everyone was sad. Nothing was the same with out me. I had a girlfriend while I was their. I didn’t cheat on her with other girls on campus, but I was online.

After Job Corps I started to feel like a bumb. I never had a job. I lived off of people and did what I wanted. My mom wanted to help me out. So what we did was look for a school I can go to so I can further my education. I went to Kaplan Career Institute ( Thompson Insitute, at that time). In here is where I met Kathy, the woman that now is my wife. I was sitting at my computer when I saw her walk in for the first time. I only saw her eye’s and above because my monitor was in my way. Thats the first thing that made me keep my eye’s on her. When she walked the classroom to find a seat I saw the rest of her. O_O! <<< That was me. Me and her was the only spanish people in the classroom, so I knew she was going to sit next to me. >=D <<< That was me, LOL! Very quickly we became friends. We got attached as friends so much that all the people in the class found it weird when we were found alone in the school. I had a girlfriend at the time as well and was also cheating on the girlfriend too. But that didn't matter to me. Kathy was something I wanted, at first. The conversations me and Kathy had slowly started to get deeper into our lives. I found out she had a husband, but that he was in Puerto Rico. She explained that she was separated from him. I lied and told her I had no girlfriend.

One day we decided to meet at her house. But before I even left to see her at her home, she called me and told me to not go. She said because her husband from Puerto Rico had came to her house with out her knowing. That night I didn’t go. So seeing each other in school, we spoke more and got even more closer. She told me how her husband didn’t show her any affection, worked all hours of the day and how they never spent time with each other. I listened, because to be a good lier you need to be a very good listener. The way we spoke in class was pretty clever. We always sat next to each other, so we could see each others computers. While we listened to the Instructor, we had Microsoft Word open, and we used it like an instant messaging tool. I would write in my compuer and she would read it. Then wrote me back in her computer so I could read it. So from the Instructors view it looked like we were taking notes or doing our work. She came to school one day very sad lookin. I was talking to her through the computer and she i remember she said, “No one loves me.” Quickly I said to her that I loved her. By this time we already had been in bed together, and we smoked weed as well.

This kept going until the day her husband found out about us. He actually followed us to the daycare where Kathy’s daughters were at (Yes she had two daughters with this man as well). That day he went all crazy. Threatend me and all. I was done with being scared of people, and during confrontation I just laughed at him. That only got him more angry, but nothing happend. He forced Kathy out of that school, and into another one. But you think that stopped us?? Nope. I actually got a job with her. But then Kathy started to listen to her family. Told her not to risk her family over a lust she had. That her husband worked hard and I was a bumb that smoked weed. They told her that nothing good was going to come out of me. She then decided to stop seeing me. I was hurt and I didn’t want to stop seeing her, so that day I made a promise to God. I told God, ” God, if you allow me to be with this girl, I promise I would start to go to church.” Funny thing was that I didn’t mind her choice. It hurt cause I loved her, but I couldn’t stop her from any choice she wanted to make. I still was cheating on her with all these other people. I slept with one girl and got Chlymidia. I didn’t know this at all untill Kathy called me one day from the hospital. I went thinking something may have happend to her. She told me I gave it to her. I felt so dirty that day, but you know what she did? She forgave me. The same day. She hugged me and told me she still loved me. (Kathy was also a person of the faith. God uses her powerfully in singing).

To end this part, the husband followed me home and wanted to kill me. When the situation got to it’s peak, the husband went to my house and told my mother that if he found me he was going to end my life. My mother called my grandmother, then she called LeeAnn, because I was still messing with LeeAnn’s heart at this moment. LeeAnn called my cousin Billy. Then Billy called all my street family in the Bronx. They started to drive to Harrisburg the moment they heard the news. That night they picked me up and took me to the Bronx. The man left to Puerto Rico again, and I got the chance to stay with Kathy. LeeAnn was out of the picture that crazy night when I had to tell her that I didn’t want to be with her. That was the last heartbreak she had with me. The girlfriend I was with was gone the day that I left my phone in Kathy’s car. Kathy made me break up with her on the phone while I was infront of Kathy, very embarrassing. But God was faithful and he heard my pact.

I’m 20, and I’m living with Kathy. I forgot the pact I did with God and lived the same way. This time with no more cheating, but still in marijuana. It got to the point that when Kathy smoked weed with me, she would get something that made her go crazy. She would move and dust her body off like if she had cocroaches all over her. She would say she felt hands touching her body all over. She looked at me and then she would get that things again when she looked at me. It happend the last few times we was smoking and it started to get me scared. Then I rememberd the promise I made to God. At that moment, then I rememberd something that she told me. She told me one experience she had when she was young. A Preacher that was not being used by the Lord told her that she was going to be a whore. That she was going to go crazy and that nobody was going to visit her at all. My heart crumbled at the tought that by my actions this woman was going to end up crazy and her kids wasn’t going to grow up with their mother. That day, we decided to stop and try to start going to church. I didn’t look all freakish anymore, but my heart was still black and old.

April 1st, 2007, the message was Time For A Change. This was the day the Lord reached me. I wasn’t looking for a change. I was going to simply do my part of the pact. Just to go to church, but God had something bigger for me. I remember that I didn’t even have to wait for the Pastor to do the calling to be ministered. I was being ministered by God Himself in my seat. When he did the calling, I got up and went forward. I remember that I just started to cry. It wasn’t just a weeping, it was a cry that came out of my heart. I couldn’t hold it no matter how much I tried. I felt the fire burning me to the point that I was sweating. I just fell on my knees in the presence of God, still crying. Later I found out that my Kathy was also up their with me. God doing the same for her, but they were actually freeing her from a demon. From that day on, I smoked a couple of times, but felt very bad afterwards. The ciggarretts I stopped with the help of Kathy and the advice of my Pastor.

From that day on the Lord has been taking me from Glory to Glory. Now I’m growing in my promises day by day. The youth ministry is were the Lords wants me now, and till this day thats what I been doing. So if the Lord can do it with a person like me, He can do it with anyone. You want to know what it takes from you? Determination and Faith that the Lord can make you into a miracle. I’m 22 with plenty of years ahead of me, a family that I wouldn’t trade for nothing, and a God that supplies me with my daily needs. He gave His life for me, and now I give mine for Him. God bless you!